Whether you think you can or you think you can’t,

you’re right. –Henry Ford 

I remember a few years ago seeing Tony Robbins demonstrate something amazing to his audience. You can try it yourself if you’d like, I think you’ll be amazed.

Stand up and put your hand in front of you with your thumb up, like you’re giving someone the “thumbs up” sign. Now, with your arm extended in front of you, twist your torso as far as you can, and notice where in the room your thumb is pointing.

Now, close your eyes and imagine your torso spinning freely like a top. There is no limit to the number of times your body can spin. After a few seconds of visualizing, keep your eyes closed and again twist your torso as far as you can and notice what position your thumb is in relation to the room.

If you’re like most people, you will have twisted about 10-15 percent further than the first time. I have tried this on myself and others, and I continue to be amazed.

To me, it highlights an important principle: the power of our beliefs.

We all have messages we tell ourselves every day. They may not be conscious, but they are like a constantly repeating playlist. And for most of us, they are not messages that empower. We repeat our failures and fears. We replay the times we tripped, spoken out of turn or made a fool of ourselves. And even though we might not consciously think about them, they are there, guiding our decisions and our future.

We are constantly making what I call “micro-decisions.” These are tiny moments throughout our day that we make seemingly insignificant decisions, so small that we might not even recognize them as decisions. Speak up in a meeting or not. Eat the junk food or not. Check my Facebook or not. I’m making constant decisions to do – or not do – a myriad of things throughout my day.

Stop to consider how often those decisions are guided by the internal playlist in our minds. Past failures affect my willingness to take chances. Past conflicts might stop me from making myself vulnerable. Past mistakes can make me hesitant to try something out of my comfort zone. Then, when I do try and fail, I use that experience to reinforce my current, self-limiting beliefs.

And we don’t even think about it consciously. We just don’t do it. We write off opportunities without consideration. We turn the other way by habit. We close ourselves off even before we encounter something new. It’s just how we view the world. “I’m not creative.” “I’m not that kind of person.” “I don’t think so.”

What might happen if we paused that playlist? Or what might happen if we started a new playlist? Might our lives change? Might we find ourselves open to new experiences and opportunities? Might we find the success we’ve been hoping for?

But how do you change the playlist. If were that easy, why wouldn’t we do so? Wouldn’t everyone do so? It’s not automatic, but there are some strategies you can put in place to begin slowly transforming those negative beliefs and expectations into something positive.

Rethink Your Past

In the movie “Pretty Woman,” the characters Vivian and Edward, played Julia Roberts and Richard Gere, are lying in bed talking:

Vivian: People put you down enough, you start to believe it.

Edward: I think you are a very bright, very special woman.

Vivian: The bad stuff is easier to believe. You ever notice that?

The bad stuff is easier to believe, and to remember. That internal playlist rarely contains memories of our good moments. The times we have succeeded are usually not on the list. It’s the failures and mistakes that are easier to remember and believe.

Instead, create a playlist of positive memories. Think about the times you have tried and succeeded. Think about the people who have respected and looked up to you. Think about your wins, not your losses. Make a list of those times. Seriously, write them down and keep the list. Refer to it when you’re feeling bad about yourself or when you catch yourself in a self-limiting pattern of fear.

Rethink Your Present

Oprah Winfrey once said, “Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.” That’s good advice. With whom are you surrounding yourself? What are you reading? Who is speaking into your life?

If Jim Rohn’s axiom that “you are the average of the five people with whom you spend the most time” is true, then it might be time to evaluate who those five are. Are they inspiring and pushing you toward your goals? Do they fill you with joy and expectation of the future? Or are they reminders of where you’ve been?

Rethink your village. You might have to say goodbye to some friends. You might have to pause some relationships. You might have to make decisions about those in your life who are holding you back and those who are propelling you forward.

And it’s not just people. What books are you reading? Which films and shows are you watching? What music do you listen to? We all know how a song can instantly transport us to a memory. How much time do you want to spend in those memories? How much time do you want to spend reading or watching things that don’t push you forward. I’m not discouraging entertainment. We all need times when we just turn off our brain and enjoy some mindless mental comfort food. I’m talking about the constant messages and influences you are allowing to affect you. We have to get intentional about those interactions, or they will never change. And if they never change, we will never reach our fullest potential.

Rethink Your Future

In 1989, a psychologist named Robert Zajonc published one of the most significant studies on the emotional effect of smiling. His results showed just smiling at yourself in a mirror can cause happy feelings. Imagine what might happen if we accompanied that smile with powerful, positive affirmations of our future.

Many people hear the word “mantra” and think of something mystical and metaphysical. But that’s not necessarily the case. You most likely are already repeating mantras to yourself every day. They’re those limiting thoughts and beliefs.

Since you are already repeating messages to yourself, why not make them positive. Why not fill your mind with belief instead of unbelief, courage instead of fear, expectation of good, not bad. I can instead of I can’t.

Write down messages on cards and carry them with you. Post them on the bathroom mirror. Make them your screen saver. Bombard yourself with messages that inspire hope and expectation. They may seem unrealistic or untrue. That’s ok. Speak what you dream. Speak beyond what you think is possible.

Money flows to me in abundance.

I’m making decisions every day that lead me to my goals.

I’m constantly seeing my dreams come true.

Again, it’s not metaphysical woo woo. It’s training your brain to expect good instead of bad. And as you fill your mind with those thoughts, your micro-decisions begin to change. You begin to see reality taking the shape of your expectations.

Your thoughts determine your decisions, your decisions determine your actions, and your actions determine your destiny. Become intentional about looping a mental playlist of positive messages that empower you to reach your potential. Put the playlist of failure and fear on pause and see how your life changes.

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. –Chinese Proverb

That bully you didn’t stand up to.

The person you were too afraid to ask for a date.

The school plays you missed.

The stock you didn’t invest in.

The business opportunity you didn’t take.

The list could go on, probably forever. All of us have regrets. We can all look into our past at the fear that held us back or the times we took the easy way out. Those decisions can haunt us.

Most of us have said the words, “I’m going to regret this in the morning!” Too much to drink or not going to bed on time are not the wisest decisions, but after a brief regret when the alarm goes off, we’re back to our normal life. Most of us, however, have probably not said, “I’m going to regret this on my deathbed” nearly enough.

You may have heard of the book “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” by Bronnie Ware, a nurse from Australia. As she cared for people in their final stages of life, she had the chance to ask them about their greatest regrets in life. The answers she heard, I think, resonate with all of us:

I wish I had let myself be happier

“This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to themselves,  they were content when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”

I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends

“Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years.”

I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings

“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”

I wish I hadn’t worked so hard

“This came from every male patient I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Some women also spoke of this regret, but all of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me

“This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.”

Yeah, that’s me!

I see myself in every one of those five regrets. Plus I have a few more I can throw in on top of those for good measure. We all can. The problem with regrets is that we often don’t recognize those actions until it’s too late. We just get caught up in life, we don’t even think about the long-term impact of our daily lifestyle and decisions.

At least not until now. We can start being intentional about our lives and make sure we minimize those regrets when we get to the finish line. You can’t do anything about the mistakes you’ve made, but you can start today to redeem them with better decisions, decisions that are true to the person you want to be.

One of my guiding principles in life came from my dad. He always told me the stories of his regrets, chances he didn’t take. He warned me to not let my life get to it’s end with dreams unrealized or chances not taken. I decided a long time ago I’d rather end my life with a thousand failures that one regret.

I’m sure we’ll all die with regrets. There is no avoiding it because we are all human. None of us will have perfect lives or spotless records. There will be glitches and hitches, blots and spots. But it’s never too late to start being intentional about how we live our lives.

The only thing worse than not starting 20 years ago is not starting now.